this isn't working real well

i'm so excruciatingly tired of trying to figure out who i am and what (or who) i want. i don't know and i don't care, i just want it to stop hurting. i can't figure out if jason likes me, or if he just likes someone to talk to (ever so briefly). i can't make a strong case for either. i don't want to burden him with the task of trying to fix me, even if he were able, even if he would want to. i don't what's wrong with me, nor do i have any idea how difficult it would be to fix me. i get the sense that it would either be totally trivial to repair me emotionally, or completely impossible. and all this insecurity feeds into my perception that i'm effeminate and whiny.